BON APPETIT: The emergence of a jar of gherkins on the sideline at Brookvale Oval left TV commentators in a bit of a pickle.
THURSDAYTHE Bunker:flood it.
The Eelswinat Brookvale tonight, subjectingSeven Days’wife and dogtogrown mancelebrations in the living room. The question remains –does oxygen reachthatbunker?
The visitors are twicedenied, including an offsidecall againstBrad Takairangi that suggeststhe field has warped intoa parabola that Dr Stephen Hawking alone couldexplain.
It fuelsspeculation thatParramattaare being dockedtheir first competition points, but they finish over the top ofthe Eagles. Some stray observations.
Tony Abbott is at the game. So is a jar ofgherkins, amidrumoursit hasreplaced Brad Fittler on the sideline. Andrew Voss declaresit “Gherkin-gate”, which is a bitleft of centre even for Vossy and not something Seven Days willdwell on.
Eels fullback Michael Gordon sprays a couple of conversions, perhaps distractedby the lights flashing on and off in a corporate box in his line of sight.
Seven Days goes to bed happy, but with thedread every Eels fan feelsabout what’s to come.
Presently, the NRL is the watching, waiting killerinI Know What You Did Last Summerand the fansareJennifer Love Hewitt screaming at the sky:“What are you waiting for?!”
FRIDAYTHE Cowboys account for Souths so seamlessly thatthey only toss up three conspiracy theories.That’sa good night.The Bunnies are in a hole. The Burgess brothersare as threatening as theirWheel of Fortunenamesake, and Seven Days wonders if Sam returneda weekearly from theneck injury he suffered last month.
Sweet spiced gherkins are $1.99 at Coles.
SATURDAYWHEN they were handing out gall, Wayne Bennett can’t have been far back inthe queue.
Think of poor Nathan Brown. The Supercoach left him a Newcastleina cripplingsalary cap positionwitha lack of playingdepth, then returned tothe Broncos.
Instead of going all Alanis Morissette on his predecessor about the mess he left when he went away, Browny defendedBennett’s legacy during the week, saying he knew what he was getting into whenhe took the job.
But atthe post-game press conferenceBennett –unsatisfied with a 53-nil winafter the KnightsloseJarrodMullen, Tyler Randell and Nathan Ross to head knocks –has a dig at Browny for stacking his bench with forwards and delivers a sermon onSioneMata’utia’s strayknee onBroncos forward Alex Glenn.Maaate.
In windy Wellington, the Warriors beat thatother team that’s harder to read than James Joyce, the Bulldogs. The Titans put in their worst home performance to lose to the Dragons.
Apparently onNine duringParra-Manly, a BradFittler investigation revealedtheplayers eat gherkinsto ward off cramp. And close conversation, we’dwager.
SUNDAYTHERE is a thunderstorm. Seven Days retreats tothe couch with a jar of gherkins and the dog, not normallyfussy, politely declines.
Canberra hosts Cronulla,and Seven Days hasn’t seen a squadascrook with the pillsince the shuttle bus toStereosonic. Fansin thecapital quietlywishthey’d goneto Cockington Green,or asenate estimates hearing.
Rain has collapsed the roof of Williamtown Airport and the Knights have theirflight diverted to Brisbane. Just what they need. Nathan Ross’s unrelenting cheerfulness (pictured)is a sign he’s recovered from hishead knock, we hope.
At Leichhardt, the Tigers level 18-all with the Stormthrough a Jordan Rankin penalty totake the gameto extra time. There is an exchange of wobblyfield goal attemptsbefore Cooper Cronkdrillsone. The Tigers haven’t gotthe rub of the green,and the playersslumpas the kicksails through.
MONDAYBEENwondering aboutthose flashing lightsat Brookvalethat put Michael Gordon off his kicks?Wonder no more.
A double dissolution election is called tonight, and now we know it was Tony up there all along, flicking the lights offand onin a signal to a sleeper cell of backbenchers who pine for his return. It’s cheaper than the bat signal.“Unfortunately, boring is going to win tonight,” says Fox’s Mark Gasnier at halftime inthe rainy rubberbetween the Roostersand Penrith in front of no oneand, on anotherwetMondayat Allianz, he’d be darn tootin’.
The Roosters’ Latrell Mitchell replies toa slashingtry byPenrith’s Waqa Blake witha basketball effortworthy of a finish bySteph Curry, but yet another loss has the Chooks in a pickle.
GET ME OUT OF HERE: Despite suffering a head knock in a big loss to the Broncos and being diverted back to Brisbane airport, Knights winger Nathan Ross keeps his sense of humour.
TUESDAYON assignment in Dungog, Seven Days runs intoDoug Walters.
We pepperhim with questions that he mostly puts up with, in between a handy afternoonon the punt.
Was that last-ball sixpremeditated? Yes. Knew it! Does he have a footy team? Bulldogs. Ah, right. Why?
Turns out the Boy from Dungog was a fan of South Newcastle great Les Johns and, when Johns got his start in the big leagueat Belmore, Walters decided that was good enough for him.
There’s a providore on the main street that looks like it’d sellgherkins, but things shut early in Dungog.
WEDNESDAYRUMOURS swirl (do they do much other than swirl, or be quashed?) that the Knights are close tosigning Dragons winger Peter Mata’utia, reuniting him in Newcastle with brothers Sione, Pat,Chaneland Calvin Klein: Eternity.
It’s welcome news for those in the squad who can comprehend it, free of concussion from the Broncos loss.
Just when it appears hump day will be kind to the Knights, the NRL judiciary ruins theirrun to the weekend like a boss with a deadline by suspending giant young prop Pauli Pauli for the second time this year.
Seven Days reckonsPauli Pauli would enjoythe odd burger in moderation.Does he eat the gherkin or toss it? Completelyhis business.